Bridesmaids - One Happy Ending Leads to Another

As I watched the much-hyped movie Bridesmaids, my mood shifted radically several times as the films's events unraveled. Giddy and high-spirited at one moment, needy and paranoid the next. Considerate it an oddity of mine, but I have always been hypersensitive to movies with happy endings.

Lest this sounds like criticism, allow me to resolve the obscurity of my comment. The movie is undeniably charming and well worth the hype, but it will take you across a spectrum of emotions, and your memories will interfere with your sense, and before you know it, you're in an accelerated life comprehension program that you didn't sign up for, but never the less, must process.

Never have I felt compelled to write about a movie, nor do I claim to be qualified to critique one, but this inaptly dubbed 'chick-flick' will melt your heart as it wells up your tear ducts, securing its place in the hearts of all those who watch, male or female, but it certainly speaks on a different level to its female audience.

The comedy in disguise - the brain child of SNL Alum Kristiin Wiig and Annie Mumolo about an oddball group of women brought together by the duty to serve as bridesmaids at a friend's wedding - will undoubtedly induce sidesplitting laughter in which many of us haven't experienced since, oh I don't know, My Cousin Vinny?  But the movie deals with so much more; friendship, failure, jealousy, pain and rebirth.. To think that you could walk away from this movie without moments of self-deprecation is hopelessly naive. It exposes about 10 profound levels of insecurity and forces self awareness to the forefront, and in my case, forced me back to the land of remorse. Remorse at fleeting moments, lost friendships, desperate rivalry, and failed experiences.

The paradox stems from the simple yet complex relationship between its characters, making it difficult to unhook oneself from a complex web of feelings, reminding us all that we are human. We’ve all experienced moments of good gone bad, of vulnerability, we’ve all experienced failure, we’ve all wanted to hide in our parents' basement at some point in our life, and we have all spent a good chunk of time wallowing in misery and self pity.

For me, being a woman, wallowing in pity is a preexisting condition. The years since I left my parents’ nest have been unkind. A fair chunk of my life has been categorized by a great deal of failure and loss and subsequently, misery. There are few times in my life when I have received unconditional compassion.

But then I learned the strategies of repression and diversion and I learned to engage myself with details, at a price of going through life anesthetized. In a way, I allowed my soul to quit. I rationalized that maybe it is my share in life.. or maybe it is life.

Suddenly, one flick, and the ability to detach from a situation isn't working anymore, and I realize that going through life emotionally-botoxed is no longer an option. Just like Annie, the movie's lead, I knew it was time to remove the weight of the past.

The door that was slammed, locked and bolted a long time ago, is now wide open, ready to enjoy the sights, tastes and the sweet thrills of life, ready to make amends, and move beyond past failures.

I left the movie a changed person. I returned home both transformed and also lost in ways that no one but me could understand, determined to get my happy ending.

 

We can travel a long way and do many things, but our deepest happiness is not born from accumulating new experiences. it is born from letting go of what is unnecessary, and knowing ourselves to be always at home.

- Sharon Salzberg

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.

- Barbara de Angelis

A Tale of Two Betrayals - The Day Democracy Died

Last Friday the world witnessed a bid for Palestinian statehood in the General Assembly of the United Nations. Last Friday, the world also witnessed the death of democracy at the hands of President Barack Obama.

In a desperate attempt to secure a second term, President Obama has not only betrayed the Palestinian people and their human rights and their right to exist, he has blatantly betrayed justice, democracy, and relinquished the United States' position as a world leader and a super power. 

Obama's speech at the UN General Assembly - a far cry from the day Obama was elected, a far cry from his Cairo speech - brought no mention of the dismantlement of Israeli settlements in the West Bank and East Jerusalem, no mention of a dismantlement of the apartheid wall, no mention of an end to Israel’s illegal blockade and siege of Gaza, no mention of Israel's constant violations of International Law, no accountability for Israel's military occupation. No transparency. No democracy. It only brought a repulsive rhetoric devoid of honesty, devoid of sense, devoid of integrity, at the high cost of losing the respect of the Arab masses and his stature in the region. In the aforementioned Cairo speech which addressed the Muslim world, Obama said, "No single speech can eradicate years of mistrust.." yet, ironically, in one speech, America became a played-out, burnt-out force.

By blatantly adopting the Israeli narrative and omitting/twisting/paltering indisputable facts about the Palestinian-Israeli conflict in his UN speech, by desperately attempting to block palestinian statehood, Obama not only disgraced himself and relinquished his conscience and integrity, but he also disqualified himself and America as a fair mediator, and in an instant became a partner to Israel, leaving him and the United States with Zero credibility in the Arab and Muslim world, the International community and at home. In short, Obama has become an embarrassment not only to himself but to the American people as well.

The clamorous disregard demonstrated at the UN General Assembly resulted in the Palestinian authority's dismissal of the U.S. as a mediator if it were to restart negotiations with Israel, and a veto against Palestinian statehood will force other NATO and U.S. allies like Turkey, Egypt and Saudi Arabia to defect and cause irreversible damage to the relations with other Arab and Muslim countries throughout the world. In short, Obama acted against the United States' interests to serve the interest of a right-wing Israeli government.

Whatever the outcome of the UN vote, Obama's action - or lack thereof - will invoke consequence. It would've been great to see Obama challenge the status quo and break out of his self-imposed limitations, and it would've been great for The United States to regain the high moral ground we claim to occupy, but alas, Netenyahu's pressure caused irreversible damage to Obama, the United States and to Israel as well.

In addition to further isolating the country on the world stage and giving new momentum to anti-American sentiment throughout the Arab world, Obama's actions will leave the US and Israel with a demonstratively shrinking number of friends in the international community.

So who's the biggest loser? Palestine, Barack Obama or Netenyahu? I say, Obama and Bibi have become two sides to the same coin.

Ultimately, Obama has lost the respect of the international community for a chance at a second term. Robert Fisk pronounced him 'neutered' and Uri Avnery likened him to a 'prostitute' whoring himself for a second term. Harsh words? Yes. Justified? Yes. Absolutely. Obama's actions did not only cost him the respect of the Arab world and the international community alone, but also the respect of his people. For any reasonable American, it will cost him a vote. It certainly cost him my vote.

Netenyahu on the other hand, fails to see that his aggression is leading him down a slippery slope, where instead of being in a position to initiate, will find himself having to face foreign decisions that will be forced upon him. He refuses to admit that he will further isolate Israel from it's regional neighbors, all Arab and Muslim countries. Ultimately, his pressure on Obama may shake Israel's relationship with the U.S. But that's Bibi, EYES WIDE SHUT. He refuses to budge. He refuses to extend the proverbial olive branch, and he refuses to admit that the more time passes without talks, the higher the price exacted from Israel will be upon entering negotiations.

 

Any winners?

Obama's disgraceful, imbalanced speech, coupled with Netanyahu's standard rhetoric - a reality-devoid rhetoric, laden with absurdity, shrouded in hostility and aggression, lacking in honest engagement - compared to Mahmoud Abbas' courageous address gave a new voice to the Palestinian struggle and allowed the Palestinians to emerge with new found respect and for their leader, Abbas, to emerge victorious, even heroic.

Meanwhile, there are some facts which remain indisputable. Palestine has already won a public media war and the support of the international community is clear and extensive.



Update:  The United Nation's Educational, Scientific and Cultural Oraganization (UNESCO) grants full membership to the Palestinians.

 
The vote was 107-14 in favor with 52 abstentions because of Israel and US pressure.

The Players
 

 

       

VS.

 

“The time is always right to do what’s right.”

- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Further Reading on the subject:

 

Gideon Levy: Obama's Historic Opportunity

 

Exacting a Price; Why US Retribution Against UNESCO Will Backfire

A Wake of a Spirit - A Tribute to My Mother

Like most of us who were born in a culture that was devised to inhibit personal growth, where we were expected to behave and conform, I resented the endless stream of rules and regulations that came to me courtesy of my mother. Hence, growing up, I resented my mother.

My mother had a strong opinion and a strict code of conduct for everything; how to sit (ladylike, with legs crossed), how to dress (she saved her strongest opinion for whenever I attempted to wear black), writing letters to friends (do not put anything in writing, EVER. Evidence! This rule, of course, pre-dated the internet and social media), how to laugh (mine was deemed slutty), how to enunciate my words (I spoke too fast), and when and where I could go. The rules expanded as I grew up to include who I was allowed to associate with and whom were deemed off-kilter. She often asserted the virtues of waxing whenever I chose the faster, less painful option (she deemed razors 'men-repellers'). She enrolled me in an etiquette class, lest, God forbid, I might use a dinner fork in place of my salad fork. She forbade me from taking ballet and gymnastics claiming that I would develop manly, muscular legs and arms. She picked an elitist college (in case I meet and fall in love with a class-mate, his background would be pre-approved by virtue of having attended said college). Rules that were rigid, archaic and often suffocating.

Contrived by my mother's standards and her unique approach on most matters, the numerous rules were a constant reminder of my shortcomings. In my eyes, my mother was a nuisance, a gnaw-er of some sort, a constant reminder of my flaws and imperfections. In my mind, she held me back. Ready to condemn my actions at a moment's notice, I felt that she was obstructing the journey to self-discovery. In short, I felt she was impeding my progress.

I'm well-aware that I might have painted an unfavorable picture of my mother, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. Adhering to tradition, or rather, those of the society that we lived in, were one aspect of her personality. However, she was much, much more. A trendy woman with ever-changing style, she was armed with poise and wisdom, to emulate her emotions and the passion and compassion that she possessed. She was a strong woman with strong opinions, a proud woman with dignity and integrity. Tenderness wasn't her strong feat, and not one to smile often, but she, like most mothers, was a nourish-er, a care provider, attending to every aspect of her children's lives. She nurtured and nursed us, she cultured us and cultivated our interests (except for ballet), all while educating us and attending to every aspect of daily life, all while attending to the needs of a demanding husband and an even more demanding social and professional calender. And, of course, she never held back the endless stream of unsolicited advice.

As fate's meddling finger interfered, I lost my mother at the young age of 48. According to doctors, my mom died of lung cancer (albeit, she never smoked), but the truth is, she died of sheer grief. Her heartache, the byproduct of a long, mostly unhappy marriage with an incompatible partner, my father. Years of bitter resentment and disappointment laden with tension, anguish and grief finally caught up.

I still hold on to my slutty laugh in sheer defiance, and I will forever favor the convenience of a disposable razor, but I learned a lot from my mother. While there is a lot that I still don’t know, I take solace in that I am my mother's best student and that her rules, unwillingly, unknowingly, somehow adhered.

Today, as I get ready to guide (impose my choice on) my son through the process of choosing a college, while offering insight on how to dress to impress (criticize his wardrobe of logo tees and tattered denims that have seen better days), all while I continue to instruct him on proper (get repulsed by his) table manners, I realize that life has come full circle, and that remnants of her are visible in me, and that I am a faint version of her, passing on all her advice (rules) to my unsuspecting children. My saving grace is that when I bark orders at them, as she did to me (yeah, democracy isn't our strong suit), I take the time to follow with an explanation (fine, fine! A lecture).

In her absence - I realize now - it is the rules that she gifted me with that have often illuminated my way, and the strict traditions she instilled in me is what has prevented me from straying far. I often long for my mom to lend an ear, wipe away a tear, or say a prayer for me, but it is her endless stream of advice that has given me the tools to navigate through life that I miss the most.

To all our Mothers who left us too soon, we celebrate your lives and legacies on this weekend

Happy Mother's Day

My mother (dressed in 'dreaded' black and white) surrounded by her three children, niece, nephew, a cousin and her father.

Obama Got Osama - Bin Laden's Demise Dominates World News

Last night President Obama announced Osama bin Laden - leader of Al-Qaeda and the man who claimed to be the intellectual author of the September 11 attacks - is dead. The news of Osama Bin Laden's death quickly resonated worldwide and prompted some of the boldest, starkest headlines in newspapers across the world, his demise welcomed by all. However, the most interesting notion about this piece of news, is the vast array of headlines that ripped through the newspapers in the U.S., even though they are essentially communicating the same basic piece of information.

'Killed', 'Dead', 'Justice', 'U.S. Operation Kills Bin Laden', 'U.S. Kills Al-Qaida Leader in Firefight in Pakistan', 'Obama Gets Bin Laden', 'U.S. Forces Kill Osama Bin Laden', Obama: Justice Has Been Done'. A few were more colorful, 'Got Him! Vengeance at Last! U.S. Nails the Bastard' and 'Rot in Hell'.

All titles hold true. All blatantly and disdainfully proud. But are all perceived without distortion by personal feelings and prejudices? Without a hint of bias? Then, how about Assassinated? Or Unlawfully Executed? They seem to be conspicuously absent from all the headlines!

Please keep in mind, that I, like any other American, loathe the man, his ideology, and the terrorist activities that he masterminded, but 1) personal feelings should not interfere with objective journalism 2) Time for the U.S. to re-examine its foreign policy.

While many people in the United States may feel vindication in the death of the man behind the 9/11 attacks, some of those biased headlines bring to mind a time when our great country drummed up a motley collection of headlines to get validity for invading Iraq on the basis of lies. The operation that claimed the life of Bin Laden is an action that signifies failure on our part, an action that led to answering violence with more violence. How have we allowed the horrifying violence against us to turn into atrocious violence by us? Invading Iraq and leaving that country in ruins, torturing prisoners in Abu Ghraib, imprisoning people without trial in Guantanamo... The United States has violated civil liberties at a cost of over $1 trillion and hundreds of thousands of lives that were claimed by these wars.

This is the a time for us to open a new chapter in U.S. foreign policy and to respond with solutions that don't perpetuate violence, but rather, learn from the wave of the non-violent movements that are bringing - a once unfathomable - change to the political structure of the Middle East.

Our administration needs to take a sabbatical to re-examine our failed war policies that have tarnished our reputation as Americans and as a leader of the free world, and adopt new strategy. Let's regain our failed status as the the World Leader and engage in negotiating peace, humanitarian aid (and I certainly do not mean more aid to Israel) and let's restore the shine of our lackluster crown.

Below, are some of the headlines in papers that covered the big news.